Us
by Velasa
Summary: A story through Krillan's eyes, or how views change with time. Set at the end of the sayiajin battle, and life afterwards.
1. Us

Us By Velasa  
  
Summary- What thoughts ran through the monk's head as he lay helpless beside the battlefield?  
  
NOTE- once again, inspiration strikes at the strangest times. I had just been reading one of my graphic novels to find out how different Pic looked in the anime than the manga, when the little images of Krillan caught my eye. What WAS he thinking amid all this? It's a very short piece, told in first-person so the thoughts are a tad erratic, but I hope you find it worth your time. I'll be working on this as more ideas come to me, and feel free to help me along by suggesting . PG13 for language. enjoy.   
  
We should never have come here.  
  
I knew from the start that it would be hard, Kami-sama told us that immediately, before we even started the training, but....  
  
This- this isn't a battle. It's a massacre.  
  
Chautzu, Yamcha (If only he had let me fight....), Tien, all dead. They're dead... I shiver at the thought of it. Now there's only us three left.  
  
Goku, oh where the hell are you? You were suppose to be here already! We need you...  
  
We were trained by God himself, the four of us, Goku by the lord of worlds, Gohan by.... by HIM, I was so certain we'd be able to take them! I was so sure, hey, we'd beaten every other threat that's been thrown at us. But this is nothing like silly little Pilaf or Red Ribbon or even Daimou. This is a thousand times worse....  
  
I glance over to my side, trying to raise an arm, and have to bite back a shout. Kami I hurt all over... I wonder how many of my bones the big guy shattered. Wincing, I pull my head back up, trying to take in what's going on. Doesn't help much- just makes it more confusing. Gohan looks... happy? Yeah, he's laughing! WHY?  
  
Then I hear them- my heart soars. Goku? He's coming?? FINALLY!!! If I could, I'd sing, I'm just so happy.. we're gonna get out of this alive! Unable to as I am, I settle with a smile. Good ol' Goku'll teach those sayian bastards a lesson, like he always does.  
  
My joy is quickly cut short at the next words from the little one, Vegeta's, lips- "Kill those two NOW!"  
  
Wait.... what about- HEY! Aren't I even counted? It's not like I WANT to die, not at all, but to be so insignificant as to be ignored, like I don't even matter? Now I'm pissed. This is horrible. Not only am I going to die, I'm going to die humiliated. I barely catch his next words, something about more dragonballs...  
  
What?  
  
Now I'm listening. I'll file this information away for later, it might prove useful... If I have a later, that is. Goku, please, get here quick...  
  
Gohan's telling Piccolo to run. I almost roll my eyes at that- the kid doesn't know him anywhere as well as I do, and I know that someone like him wouldn't run from a fight. Ever. The thought makes me shudder- that monster, I'm glad he's on our side, but he still frightens me. I can't help but hate him, even if he's helping us.  
  
As I had thought, Piccolo declines the offer. I'm about to chuckle when a cold feeling brushes through my gut, making me shiver. Something really bad's about to happen... and there's nothing I can do about it, as paralyzed as I am lying here. Why can't I be stronger?  
  
The big one moves again, and my fear seems confirmed- he's going after Gohan. An image from earlier speeds across my memory- the kid staring in frightened shock, running away instead of blasting Nappa. I'd been annoyed with him, though nowhere much as-  
  
My head shoots up, and I think my jaw might have dropped- that's not Gohan's body flying overhead, that's NAPPA!! THE KID HIT HIM!!! He didn't chicken out again! Heh, that was awesome. The big guy's lodged in a rock right now, doesn't move. Is he-  
  
.........No.  
  
He's not dead.  
  
He's very much alive......  
  
Now I'm scared.  
  
There's this look in his eyes, this insane rage that almost seems to swallow me, I can feel it radiating from all the way over here, can only imagine how horrible his face must look from head-on. The kid is absolutely frozen to the spot, quivering with fear.  
  
There's no doubt in my mind he's about to die.  
  
That cold feeling in my gut explodes, and I want to turn away, but something makes me just stare on helplessly as he raises an arm engulfed in raw chi, and throws it forward..... A scream of "GOHAN!!!" breaks from me, I don't care about staying inconspicuous anymore, oh kami no, just don't let him die, he's so young, and I can't look away-  
  
Huh?  
  
Time seems frozen for a moment as I stare blankly, jaw gaped in the beginning of a word. What's Piccolo doing? It almost looks like he's running... to hit Nappa while he's distracted, right? So maybe, we might take one of the sayians with us, that sounds g-  
  
...  
  
My heart stops.  
  
Oh...... oh sweet Kami....  
  
I don't know how long it was, but I stopped breathing, my eyes wide. My head spins, unable to process what's going on right in front of me, it has to be a mistake, it has to!  
  
THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE. It CAN'T be. He's a-  
  
Then the blast hits.  
  
That scream will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't care how old I get, I'll never be able to sleep at night without hearing that sound. And still, I can only stare.  
  
As the blast subsides, as the wind dies down, as the battered muscles of my neck shout out in protest at being used so long, I watch Ma Juniaar, the great deamon king himself, the object of my fear and hatred for so many long years, drop like a stone to the ground.  
  
Gohan, is unharmed.  
  
I still can't believe it.  
  
Did he just-  
  
My ears strain to hear them, and I barely catch the words, but they only further send my head in a spin. He doesn't complain once, save a sarcastic remark coming in a voice so soft I almost didn't recognize it, only whispers to the kid to run, to live.....  
  
This can't be the same person.  
  
He says something else, but I don't catch it, as my mind is shoved into further shock (I didn't think it was possible, but it happened). He's crying. He's crying.  
  
My every impression of the man cracks like glass with a fist through it. This isn't the same person. Come to think of it, he DID save my ass back there. Maybe, he's not Damaiou.  
  
Just maybe.  
  
Shortly he closes his eyes, rests his head, and is gone. I just stare at the corpse, unable to comprehend everything that just happened. It takes me a few seconds before I realize he's dead.  
  
But then something else catches my eye.  
  
It's Gohan.  
  
And he's furious.  
  
His chi aura is amazing, it's beyond anything I've ever imagined, and the scream that escapes from him is an agonized, painful wail that pulls at my heart in the worst way. It seems whatever drew Piccolo to dive in front of the kid goes both ways. If we get out of this alive, I'm gonna have to ask him what exactly happened in that year they spent together. He certainly didn't eat him.  
  
A tremendous blast tears from his palms, and hope lights my eyes for a moment, but it's shattered as the big sayian slaps it off like nothing. They're just too strong for us.  
  
We never stood a chance.  
  
As I close my eyes for what feels like the last time, I hear Gohan apologize to the corpse behind him. Damnit, I think I'm crying now..... All that, he did all that, and the kid only ends up dying two minutes later.... I feel sorry for the guy.  
  
I brace myself for the sick crack of bones shattering, of the rush of chi escaping Gohan's poor little body, of my own death, and I whisper a prayer to Buddha to accept our souls into the next world- when I hear the thud of earth. Huh?  
  
My eyes pull back open, and I see Nappa, staring at his foot blankly. Where's Gohan? I flash of gold behind him answers my question, as kint'oin appears, the kid on it's back. A light tapping noise behind me alerts my attention. It can't be....  
  
Long-dead hope fills my battered, bruised eyes.  
  
He's here.  
  
Son Goku, make them pay- for me, for Gohan, Tien, Yamcha, Chautzu-  
  
For Piccolo.  
  
For all of us. 


	2. Hands :of fate fortune life death chance

___Chapter 2- hands (of fate, fortune, life, death, chance)___ ~~ By Velasa

~~NOTE- Finally got around to typing- I've been working on this, brainstorming c68 of "dreams" and writing c3 of "shadows" simultaneously... not to mention the other three epics that my muses keep pressing on me *glares at Piccolo and Scythe* those two are rather indignant about keeping me busy.... but I'm babbling Oo Musical inspiration- had the midi for 'one of us' on repeat. Read on- here's the next chapter of my Krillan series. PG13 for language. ~~

The silent air surrounds us as we all pile into the aircar. Noone really feels like speaking.

As capsule ship 192 takes off, I glimpse into the back, past the second set of seats, past Goku's stretcher, to where three steel shapes sit. The things are simple metal and plastic, you'd almost think they were holding tools or oranges or something equally benign.

They hold corpses.

I shake my head quietly, touching a hand to where it's still pounding. Corpses. But it's not just _WHAT_, it's _who_..... Tienshin and Yumcha- friends I've had for ages, it hurts me even to look at those makeshift caskets and know they're in there...

As I glimpse back, I see the third one as well. More than the others, which only depress me, that's the one that disturbs me the most. I shake my head again- I still can't believe it.

Piccolo's died as well.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to believe it.

For a moment I almost fool myself into thinking that that's why Goku's so beat up, that the fight with the sayian had never been and that he'd finally killed that m- I stop in mid-thought. Glimpsing back again, I bite my lip until a thin stream of blood joins all the other crimson streaks on my face.

{{Monster. Why can't I say 'monster'?}} I ask myself, though I know perfectly well why.

Monsters don't die like that.

My eyes slip close, and I can hear the screaming. A shiver runs up my spine... Now more than ever I know that I'll never escape that sound for the rest of my life.....

A lurch, and we pull up into the air. Bulma's driving again, unlike earlier. If she had been then, we would have crashed- she'd been so hysteric over Yumcha that she hadn't been in the state to drive a tricycle, let alone an airship. She's hiding her feelings well now, for our sakes- she knows what we've been through today. Bless her- she acts heartless sometimes, but she's always there when you really need her... But as I drone out the hum of the motor, my mind drifts to just a while ago, only a few minutes...

~~~~~~~

I had been glad Chichi had left Gohan inside. The kid needs to sleep, not to see this hell again. The wind whips slowly over us, tossing the other's hair, spreading the dust over the ground, from the pocket-marks from the thousands of little renzokou kikou to the massive pit that we'd thought we'd lost Chautzu to. The plain has been blown nearly flat, almost all the rock towers toppled upon themselves, broken like toy blocks before a toddler's hands. It's completely leveled.

The others walk forward, but I hang back, veering off in a different direction- I don't want to see the look on Bulma's pretty face when she sees him, don't wand to see Tienshin, don't want to catch the sound of Chichi scolding us all on the futility of fighting.

I know that already. What I don't know is the thing that still seems a dream to me, no- more like a nightmare. I had to have been imagining things...

Walking toward where I know the trench is, made by a blast so massive it would have cut me in two, into dust, when I had been lying just a few hours ago, praying that I would have been given safe passage, that it wouldn't hurt too much when my head popped like a cork under the sayian's foot.

My feet stop at the edge of the gouge, but I keep my head down, staring at my boots which I turn toward the center of the attack. If my thinking, my memory is correct.......

It takes fully thirty seconds to reach the center, though whether that's because of the size or my slow steps, I don't know. I would have kept going, as I'd closed my eyes, but my foot kicks something very faintly warm.

A hand.

Even though I'd known he was there, I nearly jump out of my skin, unable to hold in a shout of surprise as I jerk back. It takes a few seconds of staring before I can breathe again, and I exhale loudly in a relived sigh. For a second there I'd thought he'd grabbed me.

Squatting down a foot away I find myself staring at him, for the first time really able to see his face- my vision had been considerably blurred before. The second time today, my heart stops.

"....Damn......"

I've got to sit down.

I don't know what sort of face I'd been expecting, probably a grimace of pain or the usual creased-face glance, but certainly not this, not that peaceful, tear-streaked one before me. I'd seen him as he died, but in the time afterward I had convinced myself it was a trick of the light, an after-effect of one of some hidden internal injury in my head, but now that I've had a senzu I know what I'm seeing is true... He was crying.

My head slips into my hands, and I say nothing, just sit there by the still form of the being who in life had terrified me, invoked my greatest hatred, now only invoking confusion, and a strange tinge of sadness. But not pity. Never pity. Not even death could make him any less awe-inspiring.

The muscles still stand out like chords, what of his claws that remain unbroken are still razor-sharp, and I guess he probably still had that scent the others always said hung around him, the scent of old blood. His height's still as imposing as ever, and I know that if he still had his cape, it would be whipping around in it's own breeze, even when no wind touched it.

And I still can't bring myself to call him 'monster'.

I don't think I'll ever be able to. Not now.

{{Monsters just don't die like that.}} I repeat somberly to myself as I glance back at that protected strip of earth behind the trenches his feet had formed.

As I close my eyes, I hear _it_ echoing through my mind again, as fresh and agonized as it had been the first time.

"What are you?" I ask to noone who can still hear me, my eyes latched onto that face I don't recognize. "Who are you? Where did you come from? I thought I knew you, but I just don't know anymore..."

A hand touches my shoulder, silencing me, and I look up over it to see my teacher, Master Roshi. Funny though..... there most be a fog, because he appears so blurry...

He sits down by me and glances over his sunglasses, in that quiet tone you rarely hear from him "Strange, isn't it?"

".... Yeah."

A nod. "That's the last thing I expected, you know. Him, I mean."

"Dying?"

"Yes." With a sigh he leans more heavily on his staff- the same thing I'd seen Kami do when he thought noone could see him- it seems that old men, when the world is changing all around them, are more heavily weighed upon by it all- they've seen how things were in their prime, and they knew that they could always fight against the evils that besieged them, but once they are old, they feel helpless, trapped in a constantly shrinking bubble out of which they cannot escape. But I don't just mean physically. These battles, and fighting, and death, and fear, and pain, have made us all old men inside. I'm so caught up in my train of thought that I nearly miss his next words-

"I expected Goku to finish him off one of these days, or him killing us all, and not having to worry about it anymore. Krillan, my boy, what happened?"

I glance over, confused- the last part was a question. All I can do is look back to my feet quietly- damn, I can't even answer myself on that one, let alone someone else. It's.... impossible to understand... but still he continues, quietly yet forcefully. "You know as well as I do that deamon or not, Piccolo was no fool. He wouldn't have just taken a hit he knew he couldn't handle. And one look at everything here tells me that's just what happened. Krillan, why?"

Silence is all there is for a few seconds, I cannot speak. I've been struck dumb it seems, my voice gone. Even if it wasn't, I wouldn't know what to say. So instead I start babbling, I can't even remember half of what I said, I just remember venting and having my vision getting foggier and foggier....

I don't know how much, but later I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder reassuringly, and my teacher says to me "It's alright, Krillan, calm down." On a side note he adds "You don't need to do that, you know."

"Huh?"

Reaching for something in his pocked, he pulls out a small cloth and dabs my eyes- "Cry like that."

"WHAT??? I was not-"

"You were crying, Krillan. I know you're sad about the others, but there's nothing we can do for them. Kami's gone."

I'm silent, feeling uneasy. I've never felt this sick inside, this helpless. They all died, and I lived.......

"... Comeon Krillan, let's get something to put him in... we're keeping the bodies, can't leave them to the wolves."

I thank him silently for the distraction- he notices the look and smiles back, but sadly.

I don't think any of us will be truly smiling again soon.

He returns a minute later, and opens the capsule holding the same sort of 'sepulcher' the others are in- the other two bodies were already done with, but the others are afraid, and refuse to come here, come near the deamon prince. So the two of us have to lift him up and lie him in the cold metal. I'm left feeling slightly guilty as my hand touches his arm and sucks that last bit of warmth from the green skin, leaving the body as cold as the ground beneath my feet.

I take one last glance to try to sort out my confusion, but it doesn't close so easily as the lid. So I merely grasp the bottom on one side, my teacher takes the other, we lift it up onto our shoulders as one and march slowly and somberly to where the girls, Korin, and Yagirobe are.

Noone says a word. Chichi looks like she's about to, but she must have seen the look of our eyes, the set of our faces, the drag of our steps, to stop her. So there was silence as we walked up the ramp, and laid our burden beside the others, fastening it to the bottom of the airship so that it wouldn't be disturbed.

Goku watches us. His face shows nothing, but his eyes say it all. He knows what we're doing. He knows what these things are. He knows who. And his eyes hide both a sadness and an anger- but it's only at himself. I've been around Goku long enough to be able to tell what he's thinking.

Master Roshi's talking to Korin, Bulma buts in and takes the wheel, I sit down in shotgun and stare outside.

~~~~~~~

And here we all are, back in the present. I can start to see the clouds fit by, and there's speaking, but I tone it out, mulling over my one, last hope. It's so faint it barely seems real, but..........

Hope is all we have right now.

I won't give up on that.

END 

4/13/02 7:27 PM


	3. Going home again ::oh, can't you?::

___Chapter 3- Going home again (oh, can't you?) ___ ~~ By Velasa  
  
~~NOTE- Not much to say here. This is simply the third installation or my ongoing Krillan ficcy. I'll be writing our more as the ideas come to me... Ideas are welcomed ^_^ only one rule- it has to be before the Cell games. I want these to be accurate to the show, and I haven't been able to watch past ep153 because FUNi's being an ass and releasing Buu and GT on DVD without finishing Cell.... - *a very confused green-eyed boy with wings gets shoved on-screen- he blinks a few times, sweatdrops, and holds up a sign- 'insert disclaimer crap here'. blinks...* Um... Vel... what'm I suppose to do now... *doesn't get a response- scratches the back of his head, shrugs, and flies off, grumbling about weird authors* ~~  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The water sparkles in the early morning light as it's poured in the glass, crackling against the ice, cubes fusing and shifting around- but I'm too tired to care, let alone admire it. Damn. Four AM.... the sun isn't even up and ~I~ have to be. Why can't I sleep.......  
  
Grab the glass, some toast and jam, and slip outside quietly so I don't wake anyone. The sea air practically assaults me, I can taste the salt in it, hear the cries of a few sea birds. Sky's still darkened, but it has that weird pre-sunrise light on the horizon you see when you live on the ocean... go to eat the toast, but it's burnt on one side.... bleach. I miss Ranchi's cooking. When Goku and I were kids, she'd always cook for us, like she was our mom... Come to think of it, if they were still here, he'd probably be up by now, and the Turtle house would probably be full of the smell of wonderful things cooking (I knew they were, because I could almost taste it on the air back then, over all the salt....) Ok. I'm making myself hungry. I ditch the burns toast and go grab a box of cereal. That's better- not Ranchi's cooking, but better. Heh. Too bad she left... if I can remember, it was because she went chasing after Tie-  
  
I slap myself upside the head and moan- oh great. I had to go bringing THAT up, didn't I....  
  
So much for being calm.  
  
Now I'm preoccupied. I'm not really hungry anymore... just pacing. It's only been about a week... has it been that long? The last couple days I've been trying to ignore what happened. I don't want to think about my dead friends... damn. Not doing a very good job, am I.  
  
Distraction... distraction....  
  
We're going. We're going to Nameck. Another planet... miles... and miles away... where Piccolo came from. No, not Piccolo... his father. And Kami. Yeah. Piccolo was born here. I remember hearing about it- I was kind of dead at the time.  
  
I'm gonna travel in space. SPACE!! Am I crazy? Wait, don't answer that... I'm standing on the beach with a box of kid's cereal at four a.m. talking to myself about space travel... I am crazy.  
  
Of course, we all are, kinda... Heh. A bunch of nuts, and it's on our shoulders the fate of the world rests... I'd raise my eyes to Kami, but remind myself he's dead. As if THAT doesn't make it weirder....  
  
A sigh echoes out- it's me. Well, when all else fails, train. (or spend time with your girlfriend, but let's not get started on that one......) That'll take my mind off everything... yeah.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
It gets old after about five minutes. So I'm sitting on the roof, clutching my head in my hands, trying to think of a distraction.  
  
Then it hits me. it's crazy... but it just might work. I run back in, write a quick note, stick it to the fridge, and fly off. Wonder if they're still in business.....  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
It doesn't take long to find the island. hell, I spent months here as a kid. weird though, seeing it from the air...  
  
I'm in luck- it's still there...... It only takes me a minute of talking to the manager to convince him I'm the same kid that worked for him years ago. He still stands there for a minute, giving me that look, like he wants to say something but he's biting his tongue....  
  
As I'm walking off, he mumbles something about "Haven't grown much, have you?"  
  
And I promptly end up in a facefault -.-  
  
Bah. Do you know have any idea how much dirt you ingest when you pull one of those?  
  
Wait.... ah! Forgot something! Zip back over, grab the boxes out of his hands, and race off down the path. Gotta hurry- the milk needs to be there before sunrise.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
It doesn't really even occur to me that I can fly. The whole damn path's ingrained in my memory, so I just take off running. No chi, nothing but my own two feet. Not just straight through either- even without the old master telling me to I go back into the old patterns- ziggu-zaggu, hop hop, laps, stupid pattern after stupid pattern that I hated so much as a kid.....  
  
Kinda zone out there... it all blurs into my childhood, and I feel like a kid again..... Though I think I broke a few of those old records. The looks on those farmer's faces..... Well.... the farmers. The sharks. That old saurian.... everybody, basically. And I even managed to find some construction to work with, though it wasn't the same buildings. Those have been finished for years.  
  
Guess I kinda broke pattern there, though... I was suppose to do all those other things after I finished delivery, but I'd only had one bottle left and I wanted to save it for last. There's still a while until sunrise, you know.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
I'm not even breathing hard as I race up those old steps... I can practically hear Goku laughing from higher up, though, cheering me on... C'meon Krillan, you can do it....  
  
....... I can't describe the feeling I get when I finally breach the last one in time to watch the sun rise.  
  
Just sit there for a while at the foot of the little pagoda, taking in the colors and the silence. Whole sky goes bright with them- every corner's got something splashed in it....  
  
And for the first time I can remember since everybody died, I smile. A real, honest smile. Didn't know I still had it in me.  
  
It's.... nice, in this world, My old world- without massive threats to all life, aliens, or cycles of death.... I really kinda miss it. It was simpler, easier- more innocent. Pilaf the little blue elf, the Red Ribbon army even (at least they were human), and - well, maybe not Daimou- stop my thoughts, find a minute to rub the sweatdrop off- I mean, they all seem so small when compared to what we just faced. Yeah, I wasn't there for Pilaf, missed most of it with Daimou, but I heard about it.  
  
The world's different now. We're not just a bunch of kids going off on adventures- we know too much to go back to those lives.  
  
Even as I sit here watching the sun rise above the mountains, I know I'm in a different world, and I can't go back. Yeah, it makes me sad. Why wouldn't it? But I guess..... I'm alright with it. I mean, it's over now. The fighting. Vegeta's still out there... but he won't be back for a long, long time, if he survives his journey in space. We can only hope. We can't go back....  
  
But after this trip, we can try.  
  
Open my hands, forming a small chi ball- something I could only dream of doing as a kid in the old milk delivery days. I've come so far....  
  
A scream rings in my ears. Reminding me that as far as that is, it's not enough. People died because I couldn't help. Yamcha, protecting me. Chautzu, protecting all of us. Tien because we were too slow. And Piccolo......  
  
....  
  
Well, he made his own choice.  
  
It's not just the very old or the very weak that get killed anymore- it's us, the young guys in our prime.  
  
Sometimes I think about giving up this fighter stuff. As it is I'm behind, and that can only get worse with time. Again, I ask myself why didn't I just go off and get married.  
  
But then I see two little kids running around down in a valley- laughing and playing. And I can't help another smile. Those kids wouldn't be laughing if we'd all just given up. They'd be dead, like my friends. but they're not- and I can claim partial responsibility for that.  
  
How's that for a legacy.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The sun's high in the sky by the time I pry myself off the ground, and once there's feeling in my legs again I take off.  
  
And you know? I don't feel quite so crazy anymore.  
  
END  
  
12/31/2003  
  
(sorry it took so long. I lost track of the copybook this was written in.... took me five months to dig it out and type this. If I can get the next idea in place, I hope to get it out alot sooner....) 


End file.
